so, went out earlier today for the revelry of St Patrick's Day at a good pub with good friends and of course I got some drink in me. So far so good, right? Well, sort of. My ex-girlfriend, whom I consider a very good friend right now was also there and everyone was getting along like usual except for one small fact: I had alcohol in me and it was playing merry hell with every emotional shield that I had in my head and around my heart. I realized this when I just had to get up and get as far away from where everyone was sitting and try to talk to people that have known me for a few years about what the hell was going on. While I know her breaking up with me was my fault back in july, what I didnt realize until earlier was exactly how I still feel about her. It totally fragged my day is what happened when the shields came down. Ever have that happen to you? Right now, I am just wondering what the hell I can do about it. I know for a fact that what I did to kill the relationship pretty much means that the closest we will ever be is good friends. The problem for me now is; well, what the hell do I do as to future relationships? I know I dont want just the same old relationship based on sex or anything like that. I want what most of my friends have: something meaningful that actually will last. I know I dont want to go trolling at the bars to see if I can find that as one of my relationships started that way and ended VERY BADLY. I know I want to find someone like the girl I lost (again, through my own fault) who is smart, good looking, very charismatic and good to be with and not very much into too much drama. The main thing is that right now, I am feeling pretty messed up to the point of knowing that I definitely need help in doing this. Advise, talking to people, whatever. Dont ask me why this has taken so long to get out, but now that it is, I know I need to do something about it that means more than just going on a month-long bender. So, anything anyone can give me that in their eyes might help would be appreciated.